Musings on aging, retirement, and a life well-lived.
“Somedays, I wonder if I need a new operating system, a brain reboot, and memory upgrade. A common sign of aging for me is the time that it takes to recall names, movie, and book titles, and the list goes on. My primary care doctor reassures me it’s not the first sign of dementia, simply aging.” — Excerpt from Things Change
“It is utterly false and cruelly arbitrary to put all the play and learning into childhood, all the work into middle age, and all the regrets into old age.” — Margaret Mead
The Road Never Traveled
There are branching points in life when a journey takes a different direction and where the destination is often unknown. I’m on that pathway this last chapter of my life. It began when I made the decision at the age of 75, on the eve of my 76th birthday when I decided to retire after working 65 years beginning at the age of 11.
That’s the beginning of the branching point, now I’m on that journey which is unfamiliar. Work is one of the three boxes of life, as described by author, Richard Nelson Boles, in his book of the same title:
The Three Boxes of Life and How to Get Out of Them “… argues that life is traditionally divided into three separate “boxes”: education, work, and retirement, with people focusing on only one at a time. The book, published in 1978, challenges this rigid structure, suggesting that individuals can and should integrate learning, working, and leisure throughout their lives for a more balanced and fulfilling existence, offering a framework for career planning and life transitions.”
Key Concepts (from AI)
- The Three Boxes: Education (learning), Work (earning), and Retirement (leisure/play).
- The Traditional Model: People move sequentially through these boxes (school -> job -> retirement).
- The “How to Get Out” Bolles provides a guide to break free from this linear path, showing how to blend all three activities throughout life, not just in their designated “box”.
- Life/Work Planning: The book is a guide for career planning, helping people design a life that incorporates their values and interests across all three areas.
Significance
- It’s a classic self-help and career planning book, often seen as a follow-up to his famous What Color Is Your Parachute?
- It encourages a proactive, “design” approach to life rather than passively waiting for opportunities.
How I Got Here
I read this book decades ago after I took an inventory of my life in the late 1970’s. I had dropped out of the university, took a job to learn a craft, screen-printing, where I enjoyed the physical work. Next, I gained my education in the streets as an activist committed to social justice, civil rights, feminism, reproductive rights, and gay rights movement.
I separated from my husband, came out as a lesbian, and experienced what I describe as my lesbian adolescence. My genetic predisposition to alcoholism, and time spent in gay bars, brought me to the brink of the next branching point after coming out, the decision to get sober.
Gratefully, I’ve been on that path for 40 years. I’m grateful for the fellowship of recovery, outpatient treatment, after-care groups, countless 12-Step meetings, and talk therapy. While in therapy, I often questioned if I needed to return to school, to focus my energy on higher education, and seek a job in communication arts or journalism.
My therapist at the time reminded me that I had already done some integration. I began a series of jobs where I could use my communication, writing, persuasion, and project management skills, which I refined in my activism and volunteer life. My avocations were also preparing me for the third box in life, leisure and play.
I’ve been writing since high school as the editor of the newspaper and when I attended a summer journalism workshop at the University of Wisconsin at the age of 17, which later factored into my decision in 1974 to move to Madison and make it my chosen home from my hometown of Racine, Wisconsin.
This was another branching point. I wrote poems, political essays, journaled, edited and produced a newsletter for a cooperative, wrote and performed comedy, and 13 years ago created this blog, Mixed Metaphors, Oh My! I became a writer, by writing.
Current Status
When I retired, I had a plan. When people asked what was ahead in retirement, I responded:
“What do I plan on doing? I’m a list maker, and I have to-do lists, to-do if I want to lists, plus procrastination to-do lists that are waiting for my time and attention. As I’ve aged, and my energy waned after a hip replacement and accidental fall, my housecleaning, and ‘rightsizing’ my home, needed my attention. I have writing projects, both pending and new projects to complete, films to watch, plus brunches and coffees with friends and family.”
Cartoon by Roz Chast
What have I been doing?
It’s been almost six weeks since I’ve stopped working. I’ve accomplished some of what was on my various to-do lists, yet being a high achiever, not nearly as much as I had originally intended. In my defense, I celebrated my birthday, a birthday of a friend, grieved the anniversaries of our mother’s and sister’s deaths, and the anniversary of our father’s funeral and internment. I visited and talked regularly with my former husband under the care of hospice. With my siblings learned how to move ahead and stay connected as a family after the deaths of our parents and the sale of our childhood home.
As I let go of my work schedule, I felt untethered. I began losing track of the days of the week since my job delineated work days and three-day weekends. I made plans with a friend for breakfast and I confused the day of the week with the date. I rely on the clock more now since I don’t have the routines in place that aligned with work and time off.
I had missteps with chosen family and friends that required amends as I practiced setting new boundaries and continued the work in therapy addressing my codependence and the residual trauma, shame and stigma of my childhood.
Instead of the purging, downsizing, and organizing of my home, I dealt with home maintenance problems, a kitchen sink clog that required Roto Rooter. The following week, a toilet that overflowed twice in two days, due to a clog and replacement of a flushing mechanism, multiple car service appointments, and resolving lost mail, and insurance issues. I also filed taxes.
To top off the challenges of the past month, there is the state of our democracy, the murders of protestors by I.C.E. in Minneapolis, the overreach of the Trump administration, continued enabling by Republican Congress, recent threats to voting, continued harm of the Epstein victims, and unlawful protection of Epstein’s and Trump’s powerful friends. Yes, I’ve spent too many hours watching the news and posting on social media.
The following are not excuses; they’re clearly choices. I napped and napped again. I logged hours in my recliner steaming content, including narrative films, documentaries, and food network cooking shows. I’ve enjoyed cooking too, and yes, I’ve procrastinated and procrastinated more!
What I’ve Learned
Friends and family remind me to be gentle with myself, to take time. Retirement is a transition that is not easy.
There are health threats too.
From the NIH:
“…retirement can also lead to detrimental health and well-being outcomes due to a series of losses in terms of structure for daily routines, meaningful social role and occupational attachment, social relationships, and a source of income.”
From AI
Retirement can pose significant health risks due to sudden lifestyle shifts, including a 5-16% increase in mobility limitations, a 6-9% decline in mental health, and a 40% higher likelihood of heart attack or stroke in the first year. Common dangers include depression, anxiety, weight gain, and cardiovascular disease driven by inactivity.
Key Physical and Mental Health Risks:
- Cardiovascular Issues: Studies show retirees are 40% more likely to experience a heart attack or stroke compared to those still working, particularly in the first year.
- Physical Decline: Retirement often correlates with a 5-16% increase in difficulties with daily activities and mobility.
- Mental Health Struggles: Many retirees experience increased depression, anxiety, and a sense of losing their purpose or identity.
- Chronic Conditions: There is a higher risk of developing chronic diseases (e.g., diabetes, cancer) and a rise in BMI.
- Lifestyle Changes: The shift to a sedentary lifestyle often leads to decreased physical activity, poorer diet, and increased BMI, especially in early retirees.
I’m grateful I made the decision to return to therapy after my therapist (thank you!) did the footwork to accept Medicare in her new practice. Since I’m now on a fixed income, I need to stay as close to my budget as possible, so I don’t spend down my savings which augments Social Security.
The week ahead: Talk therapy, appointment with my primary care doctor, lab work, and a podiatry appointment, much like I predicted what aging would look like in my comedy routine from 2011, Everything New Is Old Again (see link below).
Besides managing my long-term health conditions: Hypertension, cholesterol, osteoarthritis, and adult-onset diabetes, I want/need to exercise more and maintain and improve my mobility and muscle strength. I’m prescribed Mounjaro for my diabetes to lower my A1C and to reduce weight, however a potential side effect is loss of muscle strength. I’m also concerned about my brain health. Gratefully, there’s not a family history of dementia or Alzheimer’s, though I’m experiencing time lags in recalling the names of people, films, books, and music.
Here’s what I learned about brain health over the age of 66.
Brain Aging by the Numbers (from AI)
Brain development is a lifelong, non-linear process that includes rapid growth in early childhood (90% complete by age 5) and continues into the early 30s. Key developmental phases span from birth to age 9 (childhood), 9 to 32 (adolescence), and 32 to 66 (adulthood), with significant neurological remapping occurring at ages 9, 32, 66, and 83.
Key Brain Development Stages
- Prenatal to Age 5 (Early Childhood): Rapid brain growth occurs, with 90% of development complete by age 5. Significant synapse production peaks within the first year, followed by pruning.
- Birth to Age 9 (Childhood): Rapid growth phase where the brain expands quickly but is less efficient.
- Age 9 to ~32 (Adolescence & Young Adulthood): The brain undergoes major restructuring and maturation. The frontal lobe, responsible for executive function and decision-making, fully develops around the mid-20s to early 30s.
- Age 32 to 66 (Adulthood): The brain reaches its mature configuration and operates at peak efficiency, with slower, steady changes compared to earlier, rapid developments.
- Age 66+ (Early/Late Aging): A decline in brain connections begins, marking the shift towards aging, with more pronounced changes occurring around age 83.
What’s Ahead in Retirement
I may refer to my future playfully, as old people problems, yet I’m lucky. I’m young at heart and live an engaged and curious life. I have genetic longevity in my family, and though I need to step up my exercise, and tweak my lifestyle and diet, I’m already halfway there to a long life, according to recent research.
Full disclosure, since I have a small retirement savings, collect Social Security, and at least for today, I can afford a Medigap Supplemental Insurance plan, I receive good healthcare. I have a pantry stocked with groceries, a home that keeps me safe and warm, and friends and family who love and support me. Others are not so lucky. Grateful.
“Genes play a significant, yet complex, role in determining human longevity and health, with recent research suggesting they account for over 50% of the variation in lifespan, a higher estimate than previously thought. While environmental factors (lifestyle, diet) are crucial, specific genetic variations in fluence cellular repair, metabolism, and resistance to age-related diseases.”
Moving forward on this new journey, this last chapter of my life, I’ll use the project management skills I’ve learned from my working life to create some healthy routines, tackle my numerous to-do lists, overcome procrastination, avoid isolating, plus employ self-care and recovery tools, and remind myself daily, progress, not perfection!
The Retirement Journey Series: Mixed Metaphors, Oh My!
From Human Doing to Human Being (Part I)
The Last Chapter: Retirement Reset ( Part II)
Retirement Journey: A Writer’s Life (Part III)
Related Reading from Mixed Metaphors, Oh My!
Mining for Rubies: 40 Years of Recovery
Celebrating a Decade of Mixed Metaphors, Oh My!
Additional Reading on the Topic
Adolescence lasts into 30s – new study shows four pivotal ages for your brain